When I entered college, I had all of these grandiose of going against the grain, visions of a career giving to the community in one way or another. Owning my own business and blazing a trail on my own terms. I didn’t know what kind of business I was going to have, but I knew I wanted to be my own boss and make a meaningful impact through those endeavors.
And then I let it slip.
I sold out.
I began taking consulting internships. And I became addicted. Addicted to this vision of becoming a partner at one of the top consulting firms in the world. I was infatuated with the idea of advising Fortune 100 companies and the money and opportunities that would come along. And since college graduation, it’s humbling to say I have worked at two of the top 10 consulting firms. But it hasn’t been what I envisioned.
I thought I would be advising companies on global expansions, change management strategies and product releases. Instead, I’ve assessed bottom lines and helped cut Costs. Resources. People.
And it hasn’t made me happy. It’s even made me depressed at times. I’m not a fan of the opportunities ahead. And I no longer want to be a partner.
But I no longer want to be a partner.
I honestly don’t know what I want.
My life is as flexible as a person could ever want. I mean shit, I’m currently wearing a robe, working from home. Next week I’ll travel. I’ll travel in between work weeks. I dine at some of the nicest restaurants. I live on company money during the week. It’s luxurious.
But it’s not creatively free. I’m told when to arrive, depart and how to talk. Often, the message my client receives isn’t the product of my own analysis or belief but the advantageous viewpoint of the firm.
The freedom I seek is to be involved in creating something of value. To make money writing. To make money helping others follow their dreams. Maybe I’ll get into photography. I do enjoy screenwriting.
I don’t know exactly what I want right now, but I know it’s not the suit. At least not this suit.