Drifting

I find comfort out here. Just drifting. With the engine off, floating alone. It’s in these moments I find the comfort suicidal ideation has me seeking. The comfort of disappearing. As long as I don’t look at my phone, I’m off the grid. Nothing to do. Nowhere I have to go. For some brief moments,…

The Beast is Back

The beast is back The more you see it, the easier you are for it to find It’s nothing and everything at the same time But it’s darkness, all darkness No one has seen it It’s inside It attempts to push out your insides Making room for its infinitely expanding self Will I survive it?…

The Beast Inside Me

There is a beast that follows me At times so small you can barely see At times so big it’s all I can see At light he gives me cease At night he steals peace Thoughts run wild and free The opposite of me Thoughts strangle and hold back I just wanna sit in the…

How Did I Get Here Again?

Having a friend going through similar mental health issues has been reassuring for me on so many levels. It helps me think through my mental process, gain new perspective and keep stepping forward. Below, they have beautifully described what it’s like to fear the present. I can relate to this on so many level. I’m…

The Numbness of Depression

This depression has created a numbness in my mind. Food doesn’t taste as good, alcohol and drugs don’t feel as good, emotional pain doesn’t hurt as bad and my good and bad days feel more or less the same. I miss the highs and lows. The bad days were what made the great days feel…

A Glimpse Inside

A friend of mine sent me this message as we were discussing mental health one evening. I thought it was profound and carried many similarities to my own mind. I hope you learn from their beautiful words as much as I did. As I lay here awake at 2 am with a weird neck pain…

The Idea of You

The idea of you. Maybe that’s all it is. Maybe I’m just not over the idea of you. In my heart, I think I know. That the you that I loved. Doesn’t exist anymore. So now I find myself left longing for the idea. Of you.

Unknown Lover: Part 2

Dear Unknown Lover, There’s more to my story you should know before we meet. You see, in another life I had my dream girl. The potential for a white picket fence. The whole story that we fantasize about through movies. I remember the emotions, happiness and hope for the future like it was yesterday. But…

Dear Unknown Lover

Dear Unknown Lover; There are a some things you need to know before we meet. I have a tendency to love chaos, but chaos doesn’t bode well for stability in life and love. It’s burned me. Has left me rough at times. Like a bad sunburn after your mom insisted on sunscreen, I always know…

Dear Depression

Dear Depression, I have a confession to make – I don’t like you very much right now. Like mud on white sneakers, trying to wipe you off has made the mess worse lately. And you’ve made the bottle become more than just the fun I have always intended. You’ve turned it against me. I’ve been…